Friday 08.05.2009 (a hard day)....

Hi again....

Today started as any other day with the kids,had a great breakfeast and watched a lil morning tv....I had an awfull night woke up with quit alot off pain in my poor lil belly lasted for almsot 2 hours due to this i called the doctors office to have a check up on this so they assigned me with an appointment later at the day...
Me and my lil one Kevin had a blast during the day before the docs appoinment we rocked the house with loud music and shaked out lil asses around (smiled laffed loved)

later at the day my mum took my lil boy so i could go to the doc for my check up and boy am i glad i did that,The docs news for me wherent really good news to get,U see i have or lets say had smth called hormon spiral and where "safe to go" or so i tought the docs message where"your spiral wasnt working properly so i am sorry to say that u are pregnant but it seems that the "baby" aint alive so i am now carrying around a "dead" baby however they will remove it next monday this isnt the first time smth like this happend to me,wehn i was pregnant with my son i was actually pregnant with twins but lost hes brother in a car accident (while i was pregnant)they managed to safe the lil boy i have today so as u probably understand this is awfully hard for me,told Mark about it and i dont think i takes it as hard as me wich i totally understand cause he cant really feel what i feel about this most off all i feel sorry 2 kids i allready have this is theire lil bro or sis but i guess nature works in strange ways and to be quite honest this is probably for the best i mean me and Mark just met and it wouldnt be to good to get a baby together right now but hey it still hurts...
We will get over this together tho just gotta give urselfe the time we need,nothing left for us to do than deal with it even tho its hard but life wouldnt be life without pain....

I am so glad that i got the 2 lil ones i allready got cant imagine a life without kids and i can honestly say that this experience woke me up a bit"be glad ur life is what it is with the kids you have"there are ppl out there who never will be able to feel the love u feel for your own kids and today i really realised that i keep forget how lucky i really am so for this day forward i will live every day with the kids to the fullest and start appreciating what i got instead off worrie about what i dont have or lost.....this is a hard experince but we all live and leran...


XoXO

Jasmin

*carpe diem*

The flowers from My Mark(picture)

God how i love them......
he surely is the man off this lady dreams:)

My first entry:)

Hiya......

This is my first time as a blogger so ill try my best here:)
First i wanna start on some info on me,
I am

Renate Jasmin 23 years old and i am a single mum for 2 adorable lil ones my oldest one (girl) is 5 years old so i became a mum quite earlie (18) its been a huge challenge from day one but love conquers all:)
i also got a 2 year old son who is just as adorable i like to call my kids my angels off salvation due to my life before i became a mum,i do have to say that they did save theire mum out off who knows what...
ive had a rough life lived in a violent realtionship for 5 years and just got out off it 1 year ago i am not here to be all sad and complain but well just so u know me a bit before i start blogging...
Due to my past realationship i havent been all for love the last year and been kinda locking myselfe in a bit i still see my friends and go out once in a while but mostly i stay at home with my young ones and cant say i can complain on that(love it)
i signed up for a virtual 3d game called rlc in november and i have to say that rlc gave me alot and still are i know it mau sound silly but i got some off the greatest friends in there that stick with u thru joy and pain and the best thing about it has to be that we DONT judge be who you are....
i met alot off good ppl in there and alot off bad(crazy)ppl aswell but the good with this game beats the bad down the drain...
And now i am proud to say that i am happily in love again due to rlc he works as a dj in the club that i work in(in rlc) we fell in love straight away and finally met up friday last week and what can i say love is great again....my loved one is from holland so it is kinda far but we can make it like i said love conquers all.....:)



07.05.2009

hiya all...

Stayed at home with my son today couldnt take him to kidergarden cause hes poor lil stomach was acting up this morning:(
so we stayed at home and made some pizza watched some movies(cars)

Recieved some flowers at the door toda from holland;)
and an amazing letter cant imagine how a guy can be so romantic and adorable as he is i really do think that he is the one i should and want to share my life with he lights up smth in me that never been there before he makes me feel alive...
it is an amazing feeling to be in love and none or less feel loved=)

quotes the letter that came with the flowers:

To my sweetest angel,

Jasmin,a woman to my heart,i cant stand it when we are apart.
Love you so much,it is true,without you i wouldnt know what to do.
want to be with you all my life,some day i may ask you to be my.....
it feels so good to be around you Amsterdam will be great,that i promise you.
sitting here thinking about you i wrote this for my sexy girl who i really miss.
Oh damn i almsot forgot to write down one thing,
its the most important, it makes my heart sing.
so many miles away there`s nothing i can do but to send you these flowers and tell you that
I LOVE YOU

kisses from your gotsie...


amazing isnt it so how can i not love this man how can i not want him in my life...


xoxo

jasmin